Sunglasses Are Best Worn At All Times
Or whatever. Do what you want.
BECKY NORDERNSTUPID HAS ANNOUNCED SHE STILL HAS DIABETES
NO ONE CARES
Becky Nordenstupid, the commonly unknown and unpopular roommate of sexified bachelor extraordinaire, Thomas Fricilone, has announced, again, that she has diabetes. A matter of extreme unimportance has left the nation again with a drab story and uninteresting complaining. As Nordenstupid questions, quite redundantly everyday, “I’m about to test my blood sugar, does anyone care?” The world stands silent, hoping that a reaction of no action may clue in to Becky that in fact, no one ever cares.
The pale, red-headed glucose thriving Becky has announced her disease this time through requests of an energy drink. ”A Red Bull, please. Sugar-free because I have the ‘betes,” is all too familiar to the ears of her dashingly good-looking roommate. ”I don’t know how many times I’ve stressed to her that I couldn’t care any less.” quotes Fricilone in a ridiculously sexy accent. “Sometimes, I think she just likes to hear herself talk, while other times, I think it’s delirium from the ‘betes. I’d feel sorry for her if she wasn’t so fat. Also, I think she may be faking.”
For more redundancy, check out Becky’s blog:
http://beckynotrebecca.tumblr.com/
*wrote this for my roommate, more boring press releases to come…
Got my first press release, you guys. Welcome to the big time.
